Scrambling for Cheer

Week keeps getting worse. My immediate instinct is to curl up and hide and cut off communication with the outside world. I’m trying, really trying, not to do this again, but the idea of actually speaking to somebody outside of specific work related functions makes me lose my voice. Praise Shatner for the internet.

Having suicidal thoughts again. Nothing explicit, with intent, but again with the longing. On the other hand, I also have things to look forward to. I want to downplay them, like the narrator in Holy (video below, TW: for depression, eating disorders and self destruction), but I recognize that this is really unhealthy. So, with no caveats, no qualifiers: I have an art project on the horizon, a collaborative, low-pressure thing with a dear friend and I’m looking forward to that. The Chicago Blackhawks are definitely making it to the playoffs and I have secured my means of watching every game and I’m looking forward to that. I have Chicago @ Edmonton tickets for April 23 and I’m taking my sister to our first hockey game together since we were 11 & 13 respectively and I’m looking forward to that. I have a box of books from the Murder By Death Kickstarter Book Club waiting for me at home and I’m looking forward to opening that. Skyrim is really fun and I’m looking forward to playing that.

New shrink today. Still bitterly amused that I finally have something to talk about.

Artist’s Rendition of Me Today (sticky note doodle)



About braineatsbrain

Recently diagnosed with bipolar. Twice. This is where I'm going to try to make sense of that. Expect introspection, unfocused anger, and random art.
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