Sad Sad Sad Are The Sandwich People

Having a bit of a fuck awful time at the moment. Pretty bummed out and stressed about my job. I had a meeting with my boss and let him know I’m having some issues. unfortunately, I’m in a position where any mistakes that I make have the potential to cost my company a lot of money. So, my boss is very concerned and in his words he “needs to stew about this.”

We left the meeting with him putting the burden back on me for what to do going forward and I need to come up with a plan for how to manage through this or absent myself from my duties until things level out. I am understandably freaked out, which doesn’t help the whole stop me from freaking out situation.

I didn’t even get a chance to tell him about the less serious, but still noteworthy side effects, like the occasional blinding headaches and bouts of nausea that will also have an effect on my performance and possibly my attendance.

I feel a bit lost.

On the bright side, at least I have something to talk to the shrink about on Thursday? :(

On the more technical? side, I’m titrating up again to 75mg. Doc wants me to stay here for a month and see how that goes. Last week this made me pretty happy because I don’t want to take more medication than I need to. Right now it makes me frustrated and I don’t think it’ll be enough and I don’t want to delay the process anymore than absolutely necessary.

Still no rash. Headaches are getting more frequent and worse. I had an actual migraine on Saturday, which I think owes as much to the stress as the drugs, but still. Not encouraging.


About braineatsbrain

Recently diagnosed with bipolar. Twice. This is where I'm going to try to make sense of that. Expect introspection, unfocused anger, and random art.
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2 Responses to Sad Sad Sad Are The Sandwich People

  1. Ugh, I’m sorry I was insanebusy last week with store-opening and am just seeing this now, but I’m glad (since I’m reading your posts backwards) that things are a little bit better and that your boss admitted he is an ass. Hopefully that’s not a one-off and he tries to be constructive, plus, you know, the Concentra kicks in quickly.

    IDK if your schedule permits you to use up whatever vacation time you have (or how much you have) in the near future to take some long weekends, but sometimes when I’m really depressed (winter), I schedule myself a long weekend each month. It wasn’t a lot, but it was something to know I would get an extra day off where I could veg (and I usually did) and it sort of eased all the FUCK THIS WORK SHIT resentment I felt a bit, since I couldn’t come out as crazy at work.

    • The Concerta is working quite well, actually :) And the relief from Thursdays events (positive meeting with new shrink, boss owning up to epic assdom, getting back the drugs that make my day-to-day life easier) snapped me out of my depressive skid. The relief was incredible and I went through Friday, which was extremely hectic and very stressful, feeling very calm and centered and capable. It was amazing and such a relief.

      I also like your idea of occasional mental health long weekends. I’m going to have to evaluate and see what I can do.

      I regret coming out as crazy at work. I was really hoping for understanding, instead I got judgement and the implication that I had better get a hold of myself OR ELSE. Like it’s just that easy. I’m going to have to be less open about it going forward but it’s definitely given me some pretty severe HMMMMMMM moments. IDK, I’m at the stage in my life, as we’ve discussed before I think, where if I can’t be who I am, warts and crazies and icky dark bits and all, I don’t have patience for the people/situation. I’m not in a position to take any immediate action, but it does bear thinking about.

      (<3 regarding your emails last week, thank you. Thank you. Thank you. You'll probably hear from me soon, even it's just pictures of random delicious breakfasts ;) )

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