Went for breakfast at my favourite cafe today. Food was delicious, as always. I had a whole wheat waffle with raspberry compote, chocolate sauce, slivered almonds and maple syrup. I followed that with a soy London Fog (made with real vanilla bean and orange zest. Yum!) and a panic attack.
I don’t even know what triggered it. It was too warm in the cafe, exacerbated by my sitting in the sun, and that could have primed me to be uncomfortable, and the cafe was getting progressively busier and I don’t always do well in crowds. But I was just fidgety and awkward and gearing up to just leave when my heart started racing and I broke into a cold sweat. I couldn’t move and I had to remind myself to breathe, just breathe and I tried to shrink smaller into my chair so nobody would see me.
It lasted for about five minutes. I got out as soon as I could and sat in my car, chainsmoking until my hands stopped shaking.
A shitty moment in an otherwise good weekend.
I feel fine now, other than the residual jitters and headache from the adrenaline rush. It’s been a few months since I’ve had a social anxiety flare up, even longer since it culminated in a panic attack. I’m trying not to beat myself up too much over it, but it does feel like such a stupid, silly thing. Who freaks out over waffles, right?
Maybe this can be my new Biggest Fear?
No, definitely spiders now. Fucking spiders.
(If I do somehow develop a debilitating phobia of waffles out of this, I quit. The grapes on a stem thing I can handle because Spiders. On my face. But waffles are delicious! Please, brain, don’t ruin waffles.)