Quick Update: I feel stabler on the higher dose and a little more focused. That is a huge relief. The bad news is my skin is really itchy/prickly again and there’s a slight redness to the skin on my arms and chest. Possibly from scratching (though I’ve tried not to as much as possible). No fever so I’m just going to monitor a leeeeetle bit more closely instead of panicking.
I really want the Lamictal to be the one for me. Other than the rash thing, it is the drug with the lowest side effect profile and I’ve been doing some reading that suggests it might actually help repair some of the damage that’s already been done to sections of my brain.
No headache today either. I haven’t had a migraine in a couple of years and I’d really, really like to maintain that record. Migraines suck donkey balls.
Things I’ve Been Thinking About Not Related To Brain Cooties: [CN for mentions of abuse and rape]
-Victim “mentality” and why that accusation is often silencing bullshit. Simple summary: the shame is not on the victim. I refuse to accept shame for being a victim of rape, domestic abuse and abusive/neglectful parents. Acknowledging what happened to me as rape and abuse does not invalidate anything I have to say on the topics of rape and abuse. Quite the opposite I should think. (Though I can’t speak for all survivors).
-Devil’s Advocates and why they can shove that particular tactic up their ass without lube, specifically in circumstances where they have no lived experience and are trying to discredit mine. Oh, excuse me, trying to engage in “fun” intellectual debates about things that affect me personally that they will never have to deal with. (Possible art to follow on this point, if I ever get around to finishing)
-Fat shaming and fat hatred and the various ways it’s expressed in our culture. I got into a minor twitter tiff with someone who I may elect not to engage with anymore because between this and his write up to chide everybody who criticized Seth McFarlane’s disgusting stint as Oscar host for not shutting up and accepting that’s just what Seth McFarlane is like (does this mean he’s immune to criticism and people can’t talk about it? When did this happen? Why doesn’t anyone ever tell me these things?), I just don’t know if it’s worth my time.
But anyway – Fat hatred and fat shaming particularly with the arguments from concern trolls who are just worried about fat people’s “Health” and “Quality of Life” and “the Strain on the Health Care System” – you know what else poses major health risks?
And yet, and yet, I have yet to see a huge public outcry to belittle people in stressful jobs or doing shift work to, you know, wise up a take care of themselves. For Their Own Good and the Greater Good (the greater good). Sure there are articles with information about the risks and the things that you can do to reduce stress and improve your sleep, but where are the angry mobs demanding that stressed out people start meditating Immediately? Or demanding that shift workers quit their jobs?
Do people see stressed out people in public spaces and shame them for biting their nails or having a headache? Are they the subject of cruel parodies in the media where they can never exist as anything but a stressed out person? Do people randomly approach stressed out people in public to offer unsolicited advice on how they can destress? What’s the motivation for highlighting this one specific “health concern” over chronic insomnia and stress which are arguably as dangerous as obesity?
Food for thought, still working it out.