Update and Blather

Quick Update: I feel stabler on the higher dose and a little more focused. That is a huge relief. The bad news is my skin is really itchy/prickly again and there’s a slight redness to the skin on my arms and chest. Possibly from scratching (though I’ve tried not to as much as possible). No fever so I’m just going to monitor a leeeeetle bit more closely instead of panicking.

I really want the Lamictal to be the one for me. Other than the rash thing, it is the drug with the lowest side effect profile and I’ve been doing some reading that suggests it might actually help repair some of the damage that’s already been done to sections of my brain.

No headache today either. I haven’t had a migraine in a couple of years and I’d really, really like to maintain that record. Migraines suck donkey balls.

Things I’ve Been Thinking About Not Related To Brain Cooties: [CN for mentions of abuse and rape]

-Victim “mentality” and why that accusation is often silencing bullshit. Simple summary: the shame is not on the victim. I refuse to accept shame for being a victim of rape, domestic abuse and abusive/neglectful parents. Acknowledging what happened to me as rape and abuse does not invalidate anything I have to say on the topics of rape and abuse. Quite the opposite I should think. (Though I can’t speak for all survivors).

-Devil’s Advocates and why they can shove that particular tactic up their ass without lube, specifically in circumstances where they have no lived experience and are trying to discredit mine. Oh, excuse me, trying to engage in “fun” intellectual debates about things that affect me personally that they will never have to deal with. (Possible art to follow on this point, if I ever get around to finishing)

-Fat shaming and fat hatred and the various ways it’s expressed in our culture. I got into a minor twitter tiff with someone who I may elect not to engage with anymore because between this and his write up to chide everybody who criticized Seth McFarlane’s disgusting stint as Oscar host for not shutting up and accepting that’s just what Seth McFarlane is like (does this mean he’s immune to criticism and people can’t talk about it? When did this happen? Why doesn’t anyone ever tell me these things?), I just don’t know if it’s worth my time.

But anyway – Fat hatred and fat shaming particularly with the arguments from concern trolls who are just worried about fat people’s “Health” and “Quality of Life” and “the Strain on the Health Care System” – you know what else poses major health risks?
And yet, and yet, I have yet to see a huge public outcry to belittle people in stressful jobs or doing shift work to, you know, wise up a take care of themselves. For Their Own Good and the Greater Good (the greater good). Sure there are articles with information about the risks and the things that you can do to reduce stress and improve your sleep, but where are the angry mobs demanding that stressed out people start meditating Immediately? Or demanding that shift workers quit their jobs?

Do people see stressed out people in public spaces and shame them for biting their nails or having a headache? Are they the subject of cruel parodies in the media where they can never exist as anything but a stressed out person? Do people randomly approach stressed out people in public to offer unsolicited advice on how they can destress? What’s the motivation for highlighting this one specific “health concern” over chronic insomnia and stress which are arguably as dangerous as obesity?

Food for thought, still working it out.


About braineatsbrain

Recently diagnosed with bipolar. Twice. This is where I'm going to try to make sense of that. Expect introspection, unfocused anger, and random art.
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7 Responses to Update and Blather

  1. Skin blechiness: hydration? Is it waning or waxing & waning w/dosage titration? Does it get better/worse as the flax/fish oil wears out of your system? I used to have greasy/combination skin and on the antiepileptics I’m quite dry, now, but never got rashy. Just recalled that.

    Devil’s advocates: Amen, forever, amen. There’s some things where you aren’t being “objective.” You’re really just advocating for the devil. Period, end of story. If they don’t get that, they deserve whatever boot/talk to the hand you give them.

    OMG SETH MCFARLANE/His apologists: I am done and I just shut people down, COLD– “you do realize his ‘we saw your boobs’ joke referenced movies that all involved rapes, don’t you? When you can come up with reasons why it’s sexy/funny to talk about boob flashing in rape scenes, then we can talk about why he may or may not ever be funny. Until then, with all the other movies out there with HOHYAY, GRATUITOUS BOOBS, I won’t to concede that he put any thought into doing anything besides going for maximum offense, regardless of whether the Academy are idiots for choosing him as a host.”

    Their own fault for not rotating between NPH, Anne Hathaway, Ellen, Jon Stewart, and Hugh Jackman 5eva.

    Stress and insomnia are class issues where they’re the product of shift work. Why would we ever talk about class? Don’t you know everyone’s equal? *Snicker.* Now excuse me while I break into my HOHYAY LAST DAY OF MY SHITTY SHIFT JOB Quarter Pounder medium value meal with a diet coke. Because the diet coke makes it all worth it.

    Every once in a while I get into it with someone who feels compelled to tell me to smile more or starts taking their shit out on my employees. It’s always … freeing to watch someone get gobsmacked when you say “I’m sorry you’re having such a miserable day that you feel compelled to take it out on me/my employee, but I’m going to ask you to stop now, and you can either finish up this transaction like a polite, respectful adult, or I can walk away now and you can leave my store.” 9 times out of 10, they shut up, turn red, and pay. No one ever complains to the higher ups.

    I think it’s the saying “I’m sorry you’re having a miserable day” part first that always does it, because it frames the issue in a way that forces them to confront the what the fucks of their behavior.

    Compassion + bitchslap. <3

    • Huh. That’s an excellent point.

      I wasn’t actually thinking about class wrt stress & insomnia in relation to shift work. I was thinking of them as two separate entities, like an EMT or a high powered executive. But we can extend class even further to include obesity because it is really, incredibly difficult to eat healthy at minimum wage and you’re so much more likely to ingest empty calories in the form of cheap, processed foods when you’re broke. (LOL, or apparently celebrating the end of a shitty shift job? No judgement. Seriously. Mow that fucker down and I hope you got extra pickles!)

      I see so much fatshaming directed at women and it’s been slanting in my mind as yet another way our worth is determined by our fuckability and I’m so fucking tired of it.

      And Seth McFarlane, JFC. I don’t even have words. The rapeBoobs, the sexualization of a 9 year old girl, and learning that you don’t have to listen or understand what latinas say if they’re hot. Puke. And being told that I just have to accept that kind of bullshit BECAUSE COMEDY? Can you imagine if we just let every bigoted asshole off the hook because that’s just the way they were and never called anyone out for anything? Oh hay! Goodbye social progress! And honestly, when I hear people whine about not wanting to say anything because they’re afraid of the PC Police, I secretly think “Good.” Because chances are they didn’t really have anything worth listening to if they’re that convinced their comments won’t stand up to criticism.

      Re: itchiness – bearing in mind that I only have two data points to support this, but both times have been within two days of a change in dosage. I have incredibly sensitive skin, especially regarding fragrances and chemicals so I use unscented, hypoallergenic EVERYTHING. I get hives from hotel rooms, depending on what detergent they use to wash their sheets. I randomly become allergic to my cats, depending on how m immune system is doing, so it could be that, but I am also a pretty good candidate to develop THE RASH if I’m not careful. Like I said, I just have to monitor a bit more closely.

      I’m good for hydration too, I think. I drink water water and vitamin water throughout the day because it helps with the headaches and I usually just feel better when I’m hydrated. But I also drink a lot of coffee (though I’ve cut down to only drinking coffee before 2 pm so as not to interfere with my attempts to regulate my sleep schedule). The amount that I pee during the day though, I don’t think I physically can drink anymore water without just setting up my office in the bathroom at work XD

      And finally, I love your response to rude, entitled assholes. I do not miss working retail, not even a little, not even on my worst days in my current job. Being told to smile, swallowing shit like that, the creepy guys who saw me as a captive audience for their pick up lines… ugh. DO NOT WANT. Extra cheers for you for being to handle it as awesomely as you did. I was always more of an oblique questioner, like “And why do you suppose this is like this and what do you think I am able to do about it?” Most of my hard cases left when they realized that they couldn’t answer either of those questions.


      • On the issue of women and fatshaming and all other shaming– and to add to the ridiculous reading list I seem to be compiling for you, there’s a book by Caroline Knapp called “Appetites” which is the most holisitic/psychological/non-Oprah-ish journalistic approach to the intersection of women’s socialization to suppress their desires and how this plays out with fatness/sexuality/spending/career ambitions/addictive/mentally ill behaviors in general. Much better than that Roth woman’s “Women, Food & God” book.

        Knapp’s a fantastic writer, and has wonderful books about her battles with drinking and her interactions with her dogs as well. (And a tear inducing (spoiler alert) book written by her friend, Gail Caldwell, after Knapp died of cancer, called Let’s Take the Long Way Home about friendship and how it can be. I bawled almost the whole way through that damned book.)

  2. Jill says:

    ahahaha good ol’ fat shaming. I sure do love it. Especially when people act concerned about my “health” and then seem surprised that I go to the gym 4 days a week.
    But you know, I’m fat. I don’t know how to do anything but be a bowl of pudding.



      Lather. Rinse. Repeat. Puke.

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